Making Time for Your Relationship When You Have Children

My wife and I went to Poets House in Ely at the weekend and had a wonderful time together. We love our children - obviously - but sometimes you just need to spend some time alone together.

It is very easy for life to become centred around your children, particularly when they are young. There are school runs, clubs, meals, bedtime routines, work, and all the other everyday things that need doing, and before you realise it, you can have gone weeks without having any proper time together as a couple.

A Little History Behind Poets House in Ely

The visit was also a good opportunity to learn a little more about the building itself. Poets House is made up of three Grade II listed townhouses dating back more than 100 years, and was once home to Sybil Marshall, a local writer and former Fenland primary school teacher.

She published her first book in 1963 and later became a novelist, incredibly writing her first novel when she was around 80. The hotel takes its name from her, which I think is a lovely nod to someone who made her own mark on the local area later in life.

Why Couples Can Get Lost in Family Life

Having children is brilliant, don't get me wrong, but it can also mean that you spend so much of your time organising their lives that your own relationship can end up somewhere near the bottom of the list.

This can be particularly easy to do when you have ADHD. If your attention is constantly being pulled towards whatever needs dealing with next, it can be difficult to step back and think about the things that are important but don't necessarily demand your immediate attention. Your relationship can quite easily become one of those things.

There is also something to be said for simply having time to talk without simultaneously trying to get the children fed, find someone's missing shoes or work out what needs doing tomorrow.

You Don't Need a Grand Gesture

Making time for each other doesn't have to mean booking an expensive holiday or arranging an elaborate date night. Sometimes it can simply mean going out for dinner, taking a walk together or sitting down with a cup of coffee without having to think about everything else that needs doing.

The important part is making the time rather than waiting for a convenient opportunity to appear, because with children, work and everyday life, that opportunity doesn't always come along by itself.

We had a lovely evening at Poets House, enjoyed some good food and conversation, and came home feeling like we'd had a proper chance to catch up with each other.

And, of course, we were greeted with enthusiastic hugs from our two children when we got home, which was wonderful too.

I wouldn't swap family life for anything, but I do think there is something to be said for remembering that before we became parents, we were a couple too. Making time for that relationship is something that can be very easy to overlook, but it is worth making the effort.