ADHD and Boundaries

If you have ADHD, do you set boundaries?

For years I found it hard to say no to people - the people pleaser in me refused to deny any requests despite knowing I did not have the time or capacity to take them on. I would end up overwhelmed, overworked and burned out.

For many of us with ADHD, boundaries feel awkward because of the way our brains are wired. As ADHD affects executive functions like impulse control, prioritising, working memory, and emotional regulation, it means we can can find it hard to say no. Our nervous system wants connection, we want to help, we want to avoid conflict, so we say yes to our own detriment. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24176104/

Things such as time blindness can mean that people with ADHD often overestimate how much they can do, and underestimate how long tasks will take. That makes boundaries even harder because we genuinely think we can manage more than we realistically can. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23022430/

Here are a couple of ways to help you build and maintain boundaries that have helped me and some of my ADHD coaching clients:

Use a delay tactic

Instead of saying yes or no in the moment, say something like “Thanks for asking. I need to check my schedule and get back to you.” This gives you a chance to figure out if you genuinely have the time to do it.

Practice scripts

People with ADHD often struggle with in-the-moment thinking, so having a few go-to lines like “I won’t be able to take that on right now” makes it easier to say them when needed.

Remember, if we don't create boundaries, we end up exhausted and burned out; I found that out for myself the hard way.

Ask for support

Whether it’s a coach, therapist, partner or trusted friend, having someone remind you of your limits makes it easier to stick to them.

Saying no is not being unhelpful or uncaring, it is protecting our wellbeing.